August 10, 2004 – Thursday
||Today at work, I became obsessed with Mad Libs.
What Are Friends For?
Last night, as I sat in the BASEMENT eating BEANS and watching FRIENDS, the telephone rang. When I picked it up, I heard a BOFFING sound. It was my SENSUAL friend DAVE. He told me that he couldn’t solve the 69 problems that MS. RACHEL had assigned for homework.
I’m pretty TASTY in math, so it took me only 79 minutes to figure out the answers. “These problems are easy!” I told him. “Use your WEINER.”
“It’s broken!” he said. “I think my COW FARTED over it.”
“Then you’ll just have to use your fingers!” I suggested RAUNCHILY.
MOTHERFUCKERS! You’re a big help! The next time I need advice, I’ll call LENNY KRAVITZ,” he shouted.
I don’t know why DAVE was so mad. Did he want me to give him the answers?
NOSTRILS a la MARTINEZ
101 cups of NOSTRILS
13 pounds of chopped BLACK FISTS
25 teaspoons of SLUTS
83 cups of DIARRHEA
1. SPANK the NOSTRILS under cold water and place them in a DIRTY bowl.
2. NOISILY add the chopped BLACK FISTS, SLUTS, DIARRHEA, and STEAKS.
3. POLEDANCE well until all the ingredients are PINK.
4. Place spoonfuls of the mixture on a 9″ x 12″ RAT TURD.
5. Bake 50 minutes at 36 degrees.
i’m a fucking idiot. seriously.